Running? Yeah, Right.

I've always wanted to be a runner. I have running dreams and in them I'm running really fast and effortlessly. I say out loud that I despise runners and yet when I see them I watch them run past breathlessly and am overcome with jealousy. You too, right?

Seriously, I think about running. A lot. Secretly.

I can't give you any sort of explanation whatsoever, but this morning when I woke up I thought that maybe, just maybe it was possible for me. It was 5:45 am PST. Maybe, just maybe I would check out the running app my colleague talked about yesterday. So I did. For the next 45 minutes I looked at ALL the running apps. Surely, if I looked long enough I would lose all motivation to try and would be off the hook. But finally, I chose one - I even paid real money for it. Reportedly, if I do this thing for 9 weeks, 3 times a week for 30 minute each session, in the end I will be able to run a 5K - without breathing hard, be taller, thinner and sport a glowing tan... No kids to worry about this morning- they were at a sleepover last night. Ok. What have I got to lose?

I got up. Getting out the door was going to be harder than I thought. I had to find a comfortable t-shirt, running pants I've had forever as part of my fantasy, just right socks, my favorite hat... I'm thinking all the while that I should really plan ahead rather than do this last minute thing. I brush my teeth, put my hair up, try not to look myself in the eye in the mirror because I'm feeling like such a fake - yeah right. YOU are going running. Ha.

I go downstairs, let the dogs out, briefly contemplate eating breakfast and instead grabbed some orange juice and a few walnuts. A key - I need a key to the house that won't jingle while I run and that I won't lose. Found one. Sunglasses. Ugh! The car keys were upstairs. Got my sunglasses. Tightened the laces on my shoes just right. (What is 'just right' for running?) Headphones?! This is all too much.

Finally, I am standing in the middle of my driveway at 7:15. Everything was in order. Now I just had to start the app and go. Oh God. I tap the app and this female Australian voice prompts me to start. Is an Australian app supposed to make me feel better about running? Like it's some exotic experience? Riiiiiighhht.
I begin, and am relieved because I get to walk for five whole minutes while I 'warm up'. Works for me. I start playing music in the background - John Mayer's SAY. I'm feelin' good.
As I walked down my street and got to the next block I saw one of my neighbors pulling out with their ski boat. It was surprisingly overwhelming and made me cry - my life has changed so much in the last 7 months, and if it hadn't that would be my family and I taking off for a day on the water in our boat. I was already feeling REALLY self-conscious about people watching me run at all. I was glad for my sunglasses.
The Australian chic says I'll have to start running for one minute. I start and my iPhone accidentally bumps to some crazy rock song my son has downloaded. Toward the end of the second minute I start to breath hard and think I'm going to die. Is anyone up this early who can call 911? I would call, but I'm breathing too hard to talk. It would be embarrassing. You know the feeling.

And so it continued. Run a little, walk a little. In case you're wondering, YES, I CHEATED! Sometimes when I was supposed to run a whole minute I only did 30 seconds. It's kind of like saying, "It will be okay if I only have one chip", which is better than eating the whole bag! Toward the end of my run, there were ripe, juicy blackberries hanging over the path, which I stopped to enjoy. Maybe it was a peace offering of some sorts; a devine reward. They were so good, so sweet.

I didn't eat all of them. I saved some for my next run.

The Original SturdyGirl